Sheep and Pig are BEST friends. Forever. HUR.

I only ever blog when I am upset. Happy moments hardly ever render the same sort of outcry. I think I blog when I am upset because it is an outlet, because it saves me from actually turning the brink of madness. I’d rather share my joy than my pain, so I try to leave my pain here, in anonymity, intangible. Funny thing is, this ends up as pain storage. The happy ones are like an intake of fresh air – dissipated – leaving only my fuzzy memory as the sole key to them. Some days the memories are vivid like it happened yesterday, other days the memories are like dementia.

 

 

Today, I am upset. Today, I am upset like my head may explode from the anger I am feeling within. As you unwound me, I let the tears flow freely. You laugh and make jokes about my survival abilities. What you don’t see, is me, crying in the toilet and reeling like the snap of the ruler against cold clammy palms. Nobody sees it, but everybody has a good laugh from it. I am the court jester and no one sees the pain under my painted face. I powder my face again and smile. Smile like it hurts if I stop.

Happy ever afters

We all know happy ever afters are a myth – a lie we tell children – because it’s the only way we still find hope in our lives. So, we do know that happy ever afters are myths, and that happiness is a state we must continually work towards. Then how is it that I see so many people trying to work things out and see no arrival at an overall happy state? Life has its ups and downs, throws us curve balls and rains on our parade, but at the end of it all, on a holistic basis, why is there still no (overall) happy ever after? If there are no happy endings, nor (overall) happy states over a period of time, what are we living for?

 

This depresses me. I think I need to see a therapist.