Convenience, as a matter of fact

 

Some days I want to stop pretending. I want to stop pretending that I am understanding and accommodating about things, because I don’t want to be understanding. 

 

I don’t want to tell the next person that “I’m ok” when really, I am not. I’m really not ok, but saying that I am saves a lot of time and energy; on trying to explain how I really feel, on getting the next person to listen and comprehend the subtext of my words, on acknowledging my own feeling and emotions.

 

 I don’t want to tell the next person that “It’s ok” when really, it isn’t ok. It isn’t ok to be taken for granted, it isn’t ok to be priority #1428 when I make you priority #1, it isn’t ok to be your backup when everyone else isn’t free.  

 

 Some days I’m tired of pretending. Other days I’m too tired to acknowledge myself so I tell myself convenient truths of “ok”.

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