The day started out awful. I could not finished studying for Portfolio, went a little mad, then went to bed. I woke up tired, worrying about CCT’s quiz. I could not find the only pair of pants I could possibly fit into, which resulted in my yelling at the mother for no good reason. I feel awful about it now, but when it happened, I knew no other way to react. I could not find my pants, I complained about it, the mother offers me her pants, which I say are definitely too short, I go back to my room and groan, the mother starts nagging about how I should have prepped the night before, I tell her I was studying, and she responds it won’t take me more than half an hour, I emphasize I had a quiz last night, she said I could have done it when I got home last night, to which I responded, by this time yelling, “No one was awake last night, I tried on everything I had in the cupboard, nothing fits! NOTHING! I can’t help it if I’m fat.” Then all I could hear was the resounding ring of the word fat as fat tears rolled down.
The brother kindly sent me to school on the mother’s request since the whole situation almost made me late. The quiz was alright, but I didn’t really have a good feel for it. I spent the rest of the morning feeling awful about yelling at the mother early in the morning. I know she cares, but I also need her to lay off a little sometimes. That led to an eruption of more emotions, which left me in the ladies for a good half hour crying. I gave the C-class challenge a miss, to which I feel very bad, since Mel invited me knowing my love for cars.
I feel like I’m so fucking emo today. The slightest provocation could spring a leak of tears. I think I’ll go home today and give the mother a big hug. I’m sorry.